


Beneath the earth

by LadyLeFay



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Female James T. Kirk, Genderbending, Imprisonment, Isolation, Loneliness, because I love them too much, it gets to them and things happen, still very much spirk though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-07-05 14:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15865275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLeFay/pseuds/LadyLeFay
Summary: Jim wakes up one day and finds herself trapped in a bunker. She's not alone, but learning to cohabit in peace with her fellow inmate might prove to be more trouble than it's worth.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Again, english is not my first language, so I apologize for any grammatical errors and spelling mistakes you might find.  
> Also, you can blame Amber Heard for this female version of Jim Kirk.

It’s day 116.

Jim’s sitting quietly on her bed, that same bed she woke up in right after their abduction, and sighs heavily as she forces her lazy ass to get up and start her day.

She locks herself in the bathroom. This is one of those mornings where she likes to take her sweet time while taking a shower, letting the hot water unwind her muscles and playing pleasantly with her fingers, braced on the tiled wall. By the end of it, she gets out of the stall in a better mood and more relaxed.

After quickly brushing her teeth and donning her robes, she gets out ready to face the world.

Or, more precisely, the bunker. Her very much imposed new home. A base built underground and made of steel and concrete.

Yeah, she’s still not used to it.

The corridors are quiet, as usual. There’s no sign of her fellow inmate.

Again, as usual.

The place is so vast that it’s ridiculous. There are enough rooms to welcome at least a dozen persons more, even though there’s only one bathroom. A living room and a kitchen.  A freaking training area. And more.

For God’s sake, they even have a television with a shelf full of DVDs put right next to it.

It’s so farfetched that Jim actually spent her first day here looking for a Jacuzzi.

Oh, wait, no. That was the second day. On the first, she wasted hours of her life she’ll never get back frantically searching for a way out.

Whoever put them here obviously wanted them to be comfortable.

Well, fuck them.

Not only is the bunker luxurious, but it’s also surprisingly very near self-sufficient. If they could grow their own food, then she’s pretty sure that they would be able to spend decades here without encountering any problem. But they can’t, so it’s irrelevant. Besides, she’s not planning on spending the rest of her life down here.

Every two weeks, their captors beam them their food down, accompanied with other necessities they might need. Like it’s some kind of freaking internet grocery shopping, delivered directly at home. That’s how they manage not to starve; because there’s someone up there who’s been taking care of them since they woke up here.

Jim wishes she could wrap her hands around that someone’s neck and strangle them to death. At some point in the near future, she definitely will.

Today’s the day and she goes to lie lazily on the couch, waiting for the delivery.

“Come on,” she mumbles grumpily. “What are you waiting for, asshole?”

She waits a few minutes. Leaves to make herself a cup of coffee and comes back to sit on the couch. Gets up once more when she finishes her beverage and washes her glass without a word.

Risking a glance at the corridor, she entertains the idea of searching for her companion. Not particularly because she wants to, but because the deadly silence around her is starting to get to her.

Just as she’s about to go look for him in his room, a swirl of light appears in the middle of the living room and, there they are. Boxes full of food and others things they might need.

“Hallelujah. It’s about time.”

“They say speaking to one self is the first sign of insanity.”

Jim jumps, scowling as she comes face to face with Ambassador Sarek. The mocking tone is enough to remind her why she didn’t want to go to him in the first place. She doesn’t exactly appreciate the condescension.

“Come help me out,” she orders instead.

They grab the boxes and bring them to the kitchen, putting them on the table to sort through them. Usually, Jim is the one who takes care of this task and she doesn’t care enough to ask why Sarek decided to suddenly change their habits today.

It’s painfully obvious that he’s not used to it, if only because he opens practically all the cupboards in search of the right places to store the groceries. It makes sense, as she’s usually the one who prepares their meals and she suspects that Sarek simply eats the leftovers when she doesn’t.

She could point out that they have a small pantry right next to the fridge, but oh, well.

When he still doesn’t manage to stow the small pack of rice, Jim stifles a laugh.

Serves him right for not helping out for so long.

But then Sarek reaches for a particular cupboard and Jim immediately stops him.

“Wait, no,” she says hastily. “That’s not where it goes. There’s a pantry right here, you can put the rice there. Just don’t take anything from this cupboard, okay. This one’s off limits.”

Sarek’s features barely twitch, and yet she knows he’s incredulous behind that calm facade. After all this time living together, she’s pretty sure she became a master at deciphering the Ambassador’s many indifferent faces.

Honestly, she should have known that her words would arouse his curiosity. Sarek promptly opens the cupboard and frowns when he sees it already staffed with food. He puts the pack of rice down and takes a tin can from the storage space, watching it curiously.

“There’s enough food to lasts us for at least two months, in there,” Jim explains. “It’s just a precaution, alright?”

Every two weeks, after the beam down, she stores whatever she can in that cupboard. Only the nonperishable food items and some bottles of water make it in there. It’s not much, as most of what they receive is fresh. And they don’t receive a lot. They don’t exactly need to, considering they’re supplied fairly regularly. But because Jim keeps replenishing her secret stash, they end up skipping a meal or two during those two weeks.

She would have thought that Sarek would see the logic in that decision, but judging by his hypercritical expression, it’s clearly not the case.

“This is a waste,” he states coldly. “Your paranoia is preventing us from beneficiating from fully nutritious meals. You have not eaten a properly in 1.7 days.”

She stiffens, taking a moment to fight back against the raw anger that threatens to overcome her. Ok, so they may not be eating to their hearts content every day, but they’re doing just fine. 

“It’s not like we’re starving,” she spits out disgustingly. _Trust me,_ _I’d know_. “We just need to be smart here.”

Of course, Sarek doesn’t agree with her.

“Our captors have gone to great lengths in order to make the living conditions in this bunker as comfortable as possible and provide us with all the resources we might possibly need. Moreover, we have been receiving sustenance every 12.5 days without fail. I doubt they will ever stop feeding us, if that is what you are worried about,” he remarks drily.

“You don’t know that.”

“It is the most likely scenario. Whoever is behind this farce is keeping us alive for a reason. Surely, you understand that.”

Jim takes a deep, calming breath. “We should be prepared anyway, just in case the routine changes. They might one day decide to stop beaming the food down here. If that happens, we’ll have to make do with what we have until the rescue party arrives.”

Sarek’s expression changes slightly and her hand itches to slap the newly formed condescending look off his face. “You are not denied of intellect, Captain, and you should know by now that the chances of us being rescued after all this time are—”

“Don’t,” Jim snaps at him.

Sarek’s mouth closes shut but he scowls right back at her, as emotionlessly as possible of course, and they enter a glaring contest that Jim does not plan to lose.

_Not this time, you fucking bastard_.

To her great satisfaction, the Vulcan is the one who turns away first, putting the tin can back in the cupboard without a word. They go back to sorting the food in silence, each making sure to stay well out of the other’s way. Once they finish, they both walk at opposite sides of the bunker to their respective spots, where they’ll probably stay until lunch time. At which point, they will reunite in the kitchen and share a quiet, unpleasant meal.

Yeah, that’s their routine.

She doesn’t actually know where Sarek goes to hide when he can’t stand to see her face anymore. This place is incredibly huge, after all. But she suspects he just locks himself in his room and tries to meditate his frustration away.

When she feels particularly immature, she finds herself hoping that he doesn’t succeed. 

For her part, she just buries herself in the library. Because, yes, they also have a library. She adores reading and it provided her much a much needed escape in the beginning, but she stopped doing it as much lately. She’s finished so many books that it kind of depresses her now; it means she already spent too much time here.

Jim honestly doesn’t know what she’s even doing here. 4 months ago, the Enteprise had been called back on Earth after a terrorist attack on Starfleet’s headquarters. The ship had just docked at destination when the group responsible for the attack made their demands known; they wanted New Vulcan to pull out of the Federation.

The last thing Jim remembers is accompanying Spock to the Vulcan embassy and running into the Ambassador. Next thing she knows, she’s waking up underground.

 Jim closes her eyes, heart clenching painfully at the thought of her First Officer.

_God, Spock, where are you?_

She shakes her head; no, she’s not going there.

In any case, she’s practically sure that Sarek was the true target of the abduction. What with the attack and him being on the council; it just makes sense. Jim was just… at the wrong place, at the wrong time. She’s collateral damage.

Or she could be entirely wrong and she’s the one who actually brought Sarek into this mess. Jim won't truly know until their captors make contact and finally fucking explain what it is that they want with them.

They don’t get along, her and Sarek. God knows she tried to, in the beginning. But the man is so closed off and cold that it makes it impossible. They barely talk to one another and when they do, he treats her like a child instead of the respected Captain that she is.

She can understand that the situation is overwhelming for Sarek in a way it isn’t for her. She’s a soldier and she’s survived worse things than a luxury bunker. Sarek of Vulcan is not weak, far from it, but he’s a civilian who was born into the equivalent of royalty and probably never had to lift a finger in his own house. That’s not saying that he’s lazy, not at all, but the man simply doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s not negotiating diplomatic treaties or working for the well-being of his people.

Sarek could probably put an end to a war without breaking a sweat, but give him a household task to accomplish and suddenly he has two left feet.

It makes her sad, in a way. Spock would probably be disappointed that his father and captain can’t seem to stand each other.

Sighing in frustration, she walks towards the other side of the library. Her mess is still there, scattered across the carpet, and she promptly sits down in front of it. As of now, she’s managed to salvage the electronic parts of a few devices: the remote controller, the DVD player, the toaster… anything she could get her hands on that aren’t exactly essential for their daily lives. She’s gathered enough parts to finally start building instead of disassembling.

This little project of hers came to life thanks to the power of boredom. Honestly, she just needed _something_ to do. She hadn’t actually believed that it could turn into something useful, but the more she worked on it, the more the idea took forms and became more plausible.

She’s trying to build a communicator.

Trying being the key word, here. Engineering has never been her forte; she’s much more at ease with mechanics. But she does have some knowledge, the advantage of having spent two years around the influence of an incredibly smart Vulcan and a ridiculously brilliant Scottish madman, her newfound determination and _the books_.

Because, apparently, their captors were dumb enough to leave behind precious books whose subjects range from electrophysics to power systems.

The library quickly turned into Ali Baba’s cave after that.

Jim’s still not getting her hopes up. Much. And she hasn’t told Sarek about what it is she’s exactly doing in here. This room is basically her turf, so the Vulcan tends to stay away. But she knows she’s going to have to tell him eventually. Hell, she should have told him when she first started this project.

She’s just not sure she’ll be able to handle it if Sarek shoots down her idea and deems it impossible to realize.

In the end, the decision is taken from her hands. She’s barely been working for an hour when she hears someone clearing their throat behind her.

Jim freezes, slowly turning around to meet Sarek’s questioning gaze. Bracing herself, she waits for the inevitable comment, but nothings comes. Sarek simply contemplate the mess around her and, for once, he doesn’t look derisive.

He might even look impressed.

“You are building a communicator,” he states.

Jim swallows nervously. “I—…” She shakes her head, chiding herself. She has absolutely no reason to be nervous. “Yes, I am.”

Well. If Sarek guessed what she was trying to build with just one look at her crap, then maybe that project wasn’t completely hopeless, after all.

“I might be able to help,” Sarek finally says, waiting until Jim looks up once more to add, “if you will allow me.”

Jim frowns. Half of the work is done already, and she doesn’t actually need his help with finishing the other half.

But unless her eyes are playing her tricks, she could swear that, for the first time since they woke up here, Sarek looks unsure of himself.

_He’s as lost as you are. This situation has to be freaking him out too._

_Don’t be a dick, Kirk_.

“Sure,” she agrees amiably. “Could you go get us the microwave? I think we can salvage the rest of what we need with it.”

Jim’s pleasantly surprised to observe that Sarek works quickly, his mind sharp and alert as he focuses on his part. She doesn’t know why she expected any differently, really. The guy’s a Vulcan, so of course he’s smart. And he’s Spock’s father, so he must be even smarter than a regular Vulcan.

For once, the silence between them isn’t suffocating. It’s comforting. At some point, she even starts humming the tune of one of her mom’s favorite song and, apart from a quick glance towards her, Sarek doesn’t comment. The dismounting process takes time, but they work fast; certainly faster than she expected. It’s only when Sarek gets up and comes back with a plate full of fruits that he puts on the small table besides them that she realizes that they skipped lunch _and_ dinner.

She thanks him with a smile. He nods wordlessly. They get back to work.

A few hours later, Jim is the one who finally calls it a night.

“Alright, I’m beat,” she yawns as she stretches her arms behind her. “Let’s continue tomorrow.”

Despite her exhaustion, she feels a thrill of excitement coursing through her. The communicating device they’re making finally starts to look like something workable and if they keep up with the pace they’ve set, they could have it operational by tomorrow night.

_God, tomorrow night_. Their range will be shitty as hell, but all it takes is one message, heard by the right person.

It suddenly feels too real. Up until now, the homemade communicator has been a little project she didn’t even completely believe in. It might work. It might not. Who knew? But now it’s here and they have a real, tangible chance.

Jim’s so nervous, she might throw up.

“Sarek,” she simply says, unable to take her eyes off the device.

A beat of silence. Then. “I know, Kirk.” There’s no hiding the enthusiasm in his voice either.

Jim smiles when she looks at the Vulcan and it turns into a joyful laugh as she catches him grinning right back at her.

She’s tempted to stay and keep working until it’s finished, but she doesn’t want to make a mistake because she’ll be too tired or too thrilled to think properly.  So with great difficulty, they both tear themselves away from the library and walk back to their rooms. It occurs to her that they just spent hours together without the usual tensions that follow them everywhere. Hell, she might even call it a nice moment.

God, she hopes that it’s not a fluke.

She should have known things couldn’t possibly be that easy.

* * *

 

The next morning, as Jim walks still half asleep to the kitchen and prepares herself a cup of coffee, she absentmindedly puts two slices of bread in the toaster, closing her eyes in delight once she can take a first sip of her beverage.

Wait.

_The toaster_.

Jim’s eyes snap opened and she stares at the sight before her in growing horror.

There’s a new toaster in the kitchen. And next to it, a new microwave has replaced the old one that Sarek disassembled just the day before.

“No, no, no,” Jim stutters as she takes off running to the library. “Sarek!” She yells. “Sarek, wake up!”

It turns out she didn’t even need to call the man. Sarek is already there, sitting on one of the chairs, shoulders dropped in defeat as he stares at the now empty library.

He doesn’t turn around when Jim comes to a stop behind him.

It’s all gone. The mess they’ve left last night, the disassembled parts, the half finish circuits, _the communicator_ … the room has been cleared of everything.

Breath caught and chocking in her tight throat, Jim’s eyes fall on the small table. The plate is still here, it’s the only thing the intruders left behind.

The only thing that acts as proof that their miraculous way out had truly existed, but was taken from them before they got the chance to use it.

A scream of frustration escapes Jim and she grabs the plate, throwing it as hard as she can against the wall. It breaks into a dozen of pieces. Unsurprisingly, that doesn’t assuage her at all.

She wants nothing more than to curl into a pathetic ball, right here on the floor, and cry her heart out, but she won’t give those bastards the satisfaction.

Someone came into the bunker while they were sleeping to get rid of the communicator. And if they knew about the device, then it means that they could observe Jim and Sarek while they were building it.

They don’t actually say it, but she has no doubt that Sarek knows as well as she does that there’s only one possible explanation.

They're being watched.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait, guys. This part was a pain to write and then RL came in the way as it always does. This chapter might feel a bit rushed, but honestly, I was just so done with it and ready to get it over with so we can get to the next part. 
> 
> Again, english isn't my first language, so I apologize for any grammatical and/or spelling errors you are most likely to find in this chapter. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Looking back, Jim should have known this would happen.

 

They had grown too complacent, Sarek and her. It made them careless. But to be fair, they _had_ already searched the place thoroughly for surveillance devices, knowing that there was a high probability they were being watched. That’s the first thing they did when they first arrived here. At the time, nothing had been found and eventually, for her own peace of mind, Jim simply stopped thinking about the issue altogether.

 

The loss of the communicator is on her. She should have been more careful. She never should have let the device out of her sight. She should have—… done something, anything. Certainly, she should have been better prepared. But she hadn’t been, and now they’re paying the price of that negligence.

 

She’s barely been out of her room since it happened. All her energy was put into the construction of that small, yet precious device. Her drive was stolen alongside that communicator. Now, she’s just… apathetic. Merely existing and uninterested in what could be happening in the rest of the bunker. She just doesn’t have it in her to care anymore.

 

At least, she can say that there’s one good thing that came out of this utter disaster, and that’s her tentative truce with Sarek. The Vulcan has been taking care of her since she turned into a ghost; bringing her meals and making sure she eats them before departing as quietly as he came. That the food’s nearly inedible is irrelevant, Jim’s still touched by the attention. Most of the time, Sarek leaves her entirely alone all day. But the rare moments they do spend together are always full of silence. Jim’s strangely grateful for that. His steady presence alone is comforting.

 

Her self-imposed exile leaves her with some time to think. She constantly rewinds those fateful hours in her head, tries to understand the _how_? How these people could have invaded the bunker with them sleeping next doors? How _both_ her and Sarek failed to notice the intrusion while it was happening?

 

And then, the realization hits her like a baseball bat between the eyes. Not even a few seconds later, Jim’s storming into the library like a hurricane.

 

“We should have heard them,” she announces without preamble. Sarek looks up at her but doesn’t say anything in response to her abrupt entrance. “They made sure to clean up and replace all the equipment we took apart. That takes time. And it makes noise. There’s just no way they could have done all of that without waking us up at some point. The walls aren’t soundproof. _I_ would have woken up.”

 

The wheels are turning in her head; have been since the theft, really. But in her despair, she hadn’t been able to make the connection sooner.

 

Sarek slowly lowers his book, black eyes fixed on her, sharp and attentive.  “What conclusion do you derive from those facts?”

 

He doesn’t look even the tiny bit surprised by her outburst and Jim holds back a bitter laugh at that. Of course he knows. Hell, he probably figured it out the second he entered the library.

 

Nonetheless, she needs to share her discovery out loud.

 

“We’ve been drugged,” she says and Sarek nods.

 

“I, too, have entertained that possibility,” he reveals, unperturbed. “And I surmise that it would not have been difficult for our captors to do so.”

 

Jim glances up at the ceiling, eyes fixing on a black grid. “The ventilation system?”

 

“Most likely. It certainly would have been easy to use it in order to fulfill such purpose,” Sarek agrees. “It seems to be the only logical explanation to me.”

 

But that’s not it. Not entirely. Jim’s certain that sh’s still missing something here. A piece of the puzzle that doesn’t quite fit with the whole picture. She can’t figure out what it is, but she knows it’s there, just at the tip of her finger but unable to fully grasp it.

 

In her frustration, she looks at Sarek once more.

 

Sarek, who calmly went back to reading his book as if Jim’s not currently losing her mind right now. Sarek, who hasn’t once lost his cool since their abduction. Sarek, who’s always seemed so certain that they had nothing to fear, that their needs would be taken care of, that Jim’s paranoia was absurd.

 

Vulcan control isn’t synonymous with complete indifference. Jim knows that, she’s witnessed it firsthand. Sarek shouldn’t be this calm, this comforted in his belief that they would be alright, and he wouldn’t be unless—

 

The pieces reassemble; click perfectly together to form a new picture, clear and sharp.

 

« Holy shit, » Jim breathes out in disbelief. “You know who’s behind this.”

 

Sarek stiffens. Jim’s doubts turn into cold certainty.

 

“You have got to be fucking—… _You know_? You’ve known all this time and you haven’t told me? What the flying fuck, Sarek?!”

 

“Calm down, Kirk,” Sarek grits out between his teeth.

 

“No, I will not fucking calm down!” Jim howls in fury. “I asked you! You said you didn’t know!”

 

Sarek lifts an eyebrow and, God, she wants to punch him so badly it makes her hands shake. “And I do not. I can only postulate base on the little information I possess and have no way of proving my assumptions right. Do not tell me you have not hypothesized about our predicament as well. ”

 

“Of course, I have! But it’s all just theories whereas you _know_ what’s really going on here.”

 

“Do not force me to repeat myself, I just told you that I—…”

 

“Ok, fine, but I’d bet that you’re pretty certain about these ‘assumptions’, aren’t you?” A beat of silence and she has her answer. “You two-faced, manipulative bastard. Vulcans don’t lie, uh? What a bull of crap.”

 

She turns away in disgust, unable to bear the sight of that treacherous face any longer. Her anger runs deep and strong and she wants to let it out, wants to take it out on the man, wants him to understand how fucking cruel and sadistic it was for him to keep that information from her. But that won’t help her now. What she needs is a cool head to think. So she takes a deep breath. Then a second. Then a third. She just keeps breathing until her hands finally stop shaking and she’s certain she won’t use them to hurt the Vulcan.

 

Not turning around, she asks “Who is it?”

 

She hears the shuffle of his robes behind her, a sign that he got up from his armchair. “Please, keep in mind that I cannot be entirely certain about my hypothesis.”

 

She turns around wildly and grits het teeth. “Who . is . it ?”

 

The bastard has the guts to look, well, if not hurt, then uncomfortable by her attitude. He takes his unfinished book in his hands and goes to put it back in place on the shelf. Just when Jim thinks that she _is_ going to strangle him to death, the man sighs and his shoulders slump in defeat.

 

“I believe, and as of yet, it is only a _belief_ , that our culprit may be my son.”

 

Jim blinks. Once. Twice.

 

Then she _snaps_.

 

“What the—… You think _Spock_ is the one behind all of this? Spock?! Ok, now I know you’ve lost it. You need help, Ambassador. You’re sick in the head. I can’t even—… _Spock_? How dare you? _How dare you_ , you two-faced jackass?!”

 

“Captain—…”

 

“He’d—… Spock is the most loyal, kind, compassionate man I’ve ever known and—… God, you could live a thousand lives and still not deserve a son like him. In fact, he’s probably the only good thing you’ve ever done in your whole miserable life. That you can accuse him of doing something like this? You own son? Fucking unbelievable.”

 

“If I could just—…”

 

“Do you even know him at all? _Do you_? No, you know what, I don’t even care. Take that bullshit out of your head right now, or I swear to God, I will fucking kick your—…”

 

“Jim, enough!”

 

She’s surprised enough by the use of her name that it stops her in her rant. She closes her mouth, jaw clenched and teeth gritting, glaring at Sarek with so much hatred that it shakes him a little. It’s obvious in the way he takes a small step backwards, looking simultaneously fearful and impressed.

 

“You dedication to Spock is truly something to be admired. However, it is entirely unnecessary.” The way he utters those words angers her even more and, probably realizing that she’s about to kill him with her bare hands, Sarek quickly explains himself. “The one whom I was speaking of is my eldest son, Sybok. Spock’s half-brother.”

 

Jim freezes, her fist raised midway.

 

_A brother?_

_What brother?!_

 

_Since when did Spock have a brother?!!_

Her mind goes blank, truly, because out of all the possibilities that could have explained their current situation, she certainly never expected this one.

 

All her fury abandons her at once, leaving nothing but incredulous confusion behind. She’s so entirely flabbergasted that the only thing that comes out of her mouth is a pitiful “ _Oh_ ”.

 

Sarek regards her severely. “Indeed.”

 

Suddenly feeling very foolish, Jim rubs the back of her neck. “I didn’t know Spock had a brother.”

 

Sarek averted his gaze. “He would not have told you. Sybok was declared _Ktorr Skann_ and, as a result, is no longer a part of our household. To speak is name is anathema.”

 

That leaves her even more confused, if possible. “I don’t understand,”

 

“It is not necessary for you to understand. You asked for a name, not the story behind it,” Sarek says harshly before stomping out of the library, disappearing from her sight.

 

**

 

The first thing Jim decides, once she manages to process what happened, is that she has no reason to feel guilty. None. Sarek’s the one in the wrong here. He’s the one who deliberately kept important information from her. For months, he let her obsess over the identity of their mysterious captor and allowed her paranoia to grow when he could have offered her some peace of mind instead.

 

Guilt has no place here. She has a right to her anger.

 

 _However_ … she supposes she can try to understand his position. In fact, if she were to give him the benefit of the doubt, then she could consider the fact that he wasn’t exactly lying to her as much as he was lying to himself. Whatever this Sybok has done in the past must have been massive for him to be exiled and literally scrapped from the family tree. Annoying as he may be, Jim knows that Sarek loves Spock. She can only imagine that he feels the same love for Sybok, however hidden and repressed those feelings might be. It must have been unthinkable at first to imagine his own son capable of all of this. Abduction, sequestration and god knows what else.

 

Had she been in Sarek’s place, Jim would have refused to admit the truth. She would have searched for every other possibilities before even entertaining the idea that someone she loved could be capable of doing this to her. Damn the facts and damn the proofs and damn the logic.

 

So no. She cannot even begin to imagine what Sarek must be feeling right now.

 

Pacing in front of Sarek’s room, she finally decides that enough is enough. Jim might feel sorry for the guy, but she still needs answers. Lifting her hand, she swallows nervously and knocks on the door.

 

No answer.

 

“Sarek?”

 

Still nothing.

 

A deep sigh. “Are we really going to do this? You can’t avoid me forever, you know. We’re kind of stuck with each other right now.”

 

She waits, but Sarek stays silent.

 

Jim bites back her frustration. “Listen, I know this must be a pretty sensitive subject for you. I get that. But I’m part of this mess now, just as much as you are, and if I’m going to spend the rest of my life trapped underground, I think I deserve to know why.”

 

Again, there’s no response coming from the other side. Jim sighs, pressing her forehead to the closed door in defeat. Just when she’s about to give up, she hears something coming from the other side. A few seconds later and Sarek finally shows himself.

 

“Indeed, you do,” he says tiredly.

 

He opens his door wider in a silent invitation and Jim enters the room without a word. She’s never been inside Sarek’s bedroom, and while she doesn’t exactly feel unwelcomed here, she does somehow feel out of place. Still, she slowly sits on the edge of the bed, watching as Sarek takes place next to her.

 

The man’s eyes are fixed on the wall in front of them, but Jim can practically see the wheels turning as he’s trying to find a way to start the conversation.

 

“You don’t have to tell me everything,” she eventually says quietly. “I won’t force you to share your family’s history. Not if it’s not relevant to our situation.”

 

Sarek gives a short nod. Posture straight, hands clasped on his lap, dark eyes fixed on the wall in front of them. “You are not unaware that New Vulcan has been subject to political upheavals this past year?”

 

Jim frowns. “ I know there’s been talks of leaving the Federation,” she says uneasily. The idea still seems unthinkable to her.

 

“Indeed,” Sarek says. “The destruction of our planet has profoundly shaken our people’s beliefs and, unfortunately, some of them blame our reliance on the Federation for it. According to them, had we not been so dependent on Starfleet to protect us, we might have been able to defend ourselves and save Vulcan from its fate.”

 

Jim’s eyes widen in surprise. Sarek catches her look and adds, more gently: ”Emotionless as your people believe us to be, Captain, I assure you we are still capable of grief.”

 

“I know that,” she reassures quickly. “I just didn’t think the resentment towards Starfleet ran so deep.”

 

She remembers the bloody battlefield that awaited them when the Enterprise finally arrived that tragic day. Dozens of ships torn into pieces as if they were nothing, only mere flies in Nero’s eyes.

 

All her classmates and fellow cadets were part of that rescue mission. Only few of them managed to survive the massacre. Years later and she can still remember the oppressing silence filling the Academy’s corridors after their return, devoid of the young souls who didn’t live long enough to see past their first assignment.

 

Quietly. Dejectedly. “We tried.” And they had miserably failed.

 

It’s Sarek’s turn to reassure her. “I am very well aware of that, Captain. What happened to my planet was a tragedy that no one could have prevented. We did not possess the technology, nor the knowledge to do so. _Kaiidth_. What is, is.” He exhales quietly. “However, my people are still grieving, still healing. Above all, they need to feel safe once more and the current inclination demonstrates that a growing part of the population do not believe that safety to be achievable within the Federation. The negotiations on a possible adherence of Romulan have not helped matters, as you can well imagine.”

 

Jim shakes her head, astonished. She knew that the Vulcan situation was complex, but she didn’t think things were that bad.

 

“I don’t understand Sybok’s place in all of this. Why would he be interested in the political climate of New Vulcan?”

 

Sarek tenses even more, if possible. “Sybok has… always been a complicated child. Brilliant, but wild. Uncontrollable. As he reached adulthood, it became clear that he had no desire to follow the teachings of Surak and wished to embrace the depth of his emotions wholeheartedly without a single shred of control. You might not perceive such behavior as problematic, Kirk, but make no mistake it is extremely dangerous.”

 

Jim plays with her ring finger, looking at Sarek thoughtfully, trying to fill the blanks of what he left unsaid. “What did Sybok do?” she finally asks softly.

 

Sarek doesn’t answer right away. All at once, his muscles seem to lose their rigidity, shoulders dropping a little with the movement. For a brief moment, he looks exhausted.

 

“It does not matter,” he says. “All you need to know is that our people are on the edge of a new era and Sybok…might see this as an opportunity to impose his way of thinking onto us. To fundamentally change the Vulcan culture in ways that would ultimately send us back to the dark ages.”

 

“I doubt he has the influence,” Jim tries to reassure Sarek. “You said it yourself, he was exiled.”

 

“From _Vulcan_. With the proper arguments, he might be able convince the Elders that his exile does not apply to the new planet. Should they agree with his assessment, there is a 84.7% chance that he will sit on the Council in my absence.”

 

Jim looks at him long and hard. “You really think it’s him, don’t you?”

 

“It would certainly explain our living arrangements,” Sarek points out, looking at all the comfort around them. “Sybok would not wish me dead. He would simply need me out of the way. You were merely—…”

 

“Collateral damage,” Jim cuts him off bitterly before looking away. She shouldn’t take it out on Sarek. None of this is his fault.

 

They both stay silent after that. The wheels are turning so fast in Jim’s head that the very act of thinking starts to hurt. New data added to previous information which creates new consequences—…

 

Something suddenly occurs to her and her eyes widen in fear. “Wait. Isn’t Spock supposed to sit on the Council after you?”

 

Sarek nods. “It is his right. As well as his duty.”

 

Her blood turns to ice. “Shit. Sybok wouldn’t hurt him, would he?”

 

The Vulcan is already shaking his head. “No. I do not believe him capable of harming his brother.” After a moment of hesitation, he quietly adds. “But he might attempt to bring my son to his side.”

 

Jim bristles. “You can’t possibly believe that Spock would –”

 

“Sybok has always been able to connect with Spock in a way I never could,” Sarek explains. There’s no judgment in his voice, none that Jim can detect anyway. “My son was devastated when he was banished. We have not spoken in so long and with Amanda gone... I simply cannot predict how he would react, if given the choice.”

 

“I can,” Jim says firmly. “ _I know him_. And he would never willingly join Sybok in this madness. Brother or not.”

 

There is no response to that and Jim can only look at Sarek pityingly, full of helpless incomprehension.

 

“Why do you have so little faith in him?”

 

Sarek stiffens. “My son is very dear to me, Captain. Truly. More than you could know.” And she believes him. She already knew beforehand, but even if she hadn’t, the sheer, nearly brutal sincerity of his voice would have been enough to convince her. She nods slowly, and Sarek continues, a little more measured this time. “However, I do not recognize the man he has become. He is but a stranger to me.”

 

Despite the tight control on his emotions, Sarek can’t quite hide the slight touch of sorrow in his tone.  And suddenly, she just feels extremely sad for this man. This lonely father so estranged from his two sons, unable to connect with either of them. One an enemy, the other draped in fake indifference.

 

She coughs loudly to break the heavy atmosphere, forcing cheerfulness in her voice for good measures and patting Sarek’s arm gracelessly. “Well, once your badass son gets us out of here, you’ll have all the time in the world to get to know him.”

 

That comment nearly earns her a smile, she’s sure of it.  But while he has a tight control on his facial features, Sarek can’t hide the newfound warmth in his eyes. “I look forward to it.”

 

“Great,” Her smile becomes a tad hesitant as she remembers all the insults she had hurled at him earlier.

 

Jm clears her throat awkwardly. “Look, Sarek, about what I said—… You know, when I thought that you—… I just, I’m sorry. I was _way_ out of line and I didn’t, well—… Honestly, Bones always tells me that I should learn to keep my mouth shut and, obviously, he’s right. Anyway. It won’t happen again. Sorry.”

 

She cringes all the way through her little speech. When she risks a glance at Sarek, she’s surprised to see the man looking more amused than disapproving by her pitiful apology.

 

“You seem to be extremely protective of my son.”

 

Jim feels her traitorous cheeks reddening. “Well, yeah. I mean, he’s my First Officer,” she laughs nervously, smiling to mask her embarrassment.

 

Sarek says nothing, but the amused glint in his eyes slowly disappears to make place for something else. She might be tempted to call it curiosity, but that’s not it, at least not entirely. It doesn’t sit well with her, that she’s not able to decipher his reactions as well as she would like.

 

Silence settles around the two of them, not tensed, not comfortable either. Jim’s suddenly accurately aware of how close she is to the other man while he studies as one would study a strange specimen. The awkwardness is killing her and she starts to fidget under Sarek’s gaze.

 

As she lowers her eyes, she realizes that her fingers are still curled around Sarek’s elbow.

 

Abruptly, Jim gets up from her place on the bed and claps her hands together. Her enthusiasm seems painfully fake, even to her, but she’s counting on her companion’s obliviousness to hide it. “Well, I’m famished. I’m gonna go grab something in the kitchen. You want anything?”

 

“No,” Sarek answers in an odd tone. “I am in no need of nourishment at this moment.” Then, after a moment of hesitation. “But I thank thee for asking.”

 

Jim nods and quickly leaves the room, her attitude casual enough as to not make it seem like she’s escaping. Which she isn’t. Obviously.  The moment the door is closed securely behind her, she drops her smiling face and frowns.

 

That was weird.

**Author's Note:**

> Sarek and Jim. That's a pairing I never thought I would write about. But my friend Nina dared me to do it and, surprisingly, I kind of felt inspired. 
> 
> This chapter is short, I know, and nothing truly happens. But I wanted to describe their living conditions and mindsets first to get that out of the way. Hope you guys still liked it :)


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